Co-sleeping... it's such a debated topic among parents these days. In my opinion, if you enjoy sleeping with your children and it works for your family then do it. No judgement here. One of my best friends co-sleeps with her children and she is happy doing this. I think it is great. However, those of us who do not want to co-sleep shouldn't feel like we are being judged or considered any less of a mom because of that decision.
There are several reasons why I choose not to co-sleep. The main reason is that from the time I wake up in the morning until the time that my children fall asleep at night (and even during the night with my 10 week old) I am needed by them. I am holding, cuddling, feeding, playing games, changing diapers, wiping tears, entertaining, reading books, etc. My priority all through the day is my children. It is exhausting, but so worth it. However, I need time for myself. I feel like this helps me to be a better mom. On a good night, after my children go to sleep, I will typically have 2 hours all to myself before I go to bed. Usually I use this time to get in bed and read. I like having this time each night where I am not being needed. I can just relax and enjoy the quiet. If my children were sleeping with me, this would not be possible.
I feel like the majority of the pressure to co-sleep comes from the breastfeeding community. I feel strongly about nursing my children. I nursed my oldest daughter for a year and plan to nurse my little one for a year as well. Breastfeeding proponents make me feel like I should have my daughter in bed with me at night so that she can nurse all through the night anytime she wants. That does not sound like a good night sleep for me. I am a light sleeper, so I wake easily to noises and movements. We all know that babies make a lot of noises and move constantly in their sleep. I've read in books that to co-sleep safely you should put your mattress on the floor and sleep without blankets. And you need to wear clothing that allows your nursing child to latch on whenever they want through the night. Well, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if my mattress were on the floor and I didn't have any blankets on me I wouldn't get a wink of sleep. And as far as nursing through the night... they say that most of the time you won't even wake up when the baby latches on and nurses - HA! I promise if my baby latches on and starts nursing I won't be able to sleep through that. And if I did sleep deeply enough that I were to be able to sleep through a nursing session I would definitely worry that I would be in danger of being one of those parents that accidentally suffocates their child while sleeping in the bed with them.
The reason that I have been thinking about this so much is because I read this article last week: http://www.slate.com/id/2143241/. The article is called "Go ahead - sleep with your kids." It is subtitled "the urge is natural. Surrender to it." It is written by a father who feels like the natural thing to do in life is to sleep with your children and nurse them around the clock. This article really infuriated me because to me he is insinuating that you are selfish if you aren't okay with what he is suggesting. Well... I think it is really easy for this FATHER to point fingers at MOTHERS and say this is what you should be doing. He isn't the one that has a child latched to him all day long. And he isn't the one that is being needed constantly by children and doesn't have time to himself. I don't know anything about this man's personal life, but I'd be willing to guess that he goes to work away from home each day and has plenty of time to feel like a grown man and have adult conversations with others. I'd be willing to bet that he doesn't spend his days in the floor pretending to be cinderella's wicked stepmother, reading books and playing Cootie over and over again. And I know that he isn't feeding his child with his own body countless times all day long. Yet, he thinks that mothers are selfish if they are asking for a couple of hours sleep in their own bed away from their children each night.
Well, Mr. Wright (ha, ironic name, huh?!), I think that you are wrong about this. I don't think that mothers are wrong if they choose to co-sleep and this works for them. If they are happy with their children in their bed then it is great. However, I don't think that I am wrong for choosing not to co-sleep. And if he would like to come nurse my child all day long, then I may be willing to give co-sleeping a try!
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